I am very much identifying with the story of Job in the Bible today. I can feel so empty and yet know that when all is taken away so that all that is left is me; that is an opportunity for the Lord to do an internal makeover and remind me who He is. I have found I am filled with an anger that I have been battling since I was very young and, of course, the flip side of anger is depression. So I seem to be figuring out a lot already this year. My identification with Job is that of feeling like an ant while God thunders down a full two chapters (see Job 38-39) of rantings identifying just who God is and how great and mighty He truly is. I feel small and ashamed of my anger at such petty everyday things; and yet so thankful that God IS in control of all those things. (See Job’s response in Chapter 40).
The best thing I can do at this point is to look at all the blessings I have now. I am able to finish school. I have a roof over my head and I lack for nothing to do with my physical wellbeing. I am surrounded by good Christian people, and I can talk to my Savior anytime day or night. With the lack of work so far this week I am even more thankful for the lack of extensive living expenses right now. I am deeply and unconditionally in love and so totally unworthy of it and yet somehow it is reciprocated with a purity that only Christ can give. So although I act like a complete brat at times; I am thankful that God does not give up on me and He provides forgiveness and love when I am so undeserving. He keeps showing me ways to work through this life and reminding me that this is not my home anyways, my home is in Him.
“Jesus answered, ’Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’”John 4:13-14 (NIV)
I found a great devotional site if anyone is interested, here’s the one I liked today. Encouragement for Today – Jan. 8, 2008